Baldy and His Weirdo
by SonicAsura
Summary: Part of Cirque De Fiction. An odd creature crashes on Saitama's doorstep and becomes his new housemate. A new view of wacky has arrived as Marmalade Bitz not only helps Saitama reign in his strength but help fight the threats that dare harm her new home. Oh and constantly flirt with a blonde cyborg that catched her fancy. (OC/Genos(XD)


**I am back! The reason it took so long was because I wanted the final stories to not involve any series I have used previously for this. This little one involves an anime known for crazy characters and the legendary one shot wonder, it's One Punch Man! One Punch Man can be quite a challenge to use without involving series like Dragonball to match up Saitama's ridiculous physical power. I decided to pair it with a game that Ubisoft has been neglecting, Rayman. Yes, the game of the limbless wonder himself except this will be going an OC path. For now, enough chat and let's get in!**

Have you ever had a goal you strived since you were young. We all had many we set for ourselves and very few to accomplish. Being the number one hero? Pretty cool. Learn how to fly? That's awesome! Defeat someone in one punch? Oh hell yeah! Yet, what is there left once all is said and done yet your dumb self didn't plan anything else? Boredom. Pure unbiased soul draining boredom. This is something one particular man named Saitama learned the hard way.

He made a goal to become so powerful that he could beat opponents in one punch. And he actually did through a simple workout of 10 mile run, 100 push ups, 100 sit ups and few other little exercises each. Saitama now could ko a foe in just one punch. Thug? Done. Car monster? Easy peezy. A rampaging monster? Are you kidding easy. And it was fun until it got old, really old. It was just so boring ending a fight with one punch. It had practically sucked all the emotions from him like his workout made him go bald. Not a single hair left from the carnage.

Now, usually the story goes with him fighting some monsters and some odd characters enter his life but this ain't no so such tale. For one night, as if God and the Devil decided to just play a prank to drive every person nuts, left a gift on Saitama's doorstep. The most strangest and oddest being no one had ever seen before. A certain baldy was going to meet a very wacky weirdo whose species goes by one name: thingamajig.

_'Ok. Someone is pulling a prank on me because...what the hell is that on my door mat. Who does this crap at 3 in the morning?'_ Thought one particular bald man in plain white PJs. He had to come out of his apartment because something crashed outside taking out his potted plants with it. Staring confused despite looking completely bored, the man looked at the culprit. It was...he didn't even know what it was actually.

It was definitely limbless since he saw no arms, legs, or neck on it. Had a cartoonish face with a big nose and long silver hair that had two pointed ears along with two black horns poking out of the mane. The body or torso had a sleeveless black coat over a blue sleeved shirt and the outline of the chest being slightly rounded made him guess this was a girl thingy. It had 4 finger hands with white feminine gloves.

A red skirt with a little blue dragon tail poking out from the back. Little blue dragon wings that weren't even attached. And feet covered in black tennis shoes. The strange girl creature could reach his chin in height minus the long slanted horns. Nonetheless, she was here on his doorstep clearly out cold. "Might as well take you in. Look completely harmless and if not then I can deal with no problem." He sighed picking up the strange creature and walking into his apartment. She could sleep on the couch.

3 hours later… How would you feel if someone poked ya while you were sleeping? The resident baldy was fast asleep having a good dream when he felt something tap his head. He ignored it like any tired person does but...can you ignore when it starts patting your head as if they were bongos? The pats were light and harmless but they were definitely annoying when it made your brain rattled. Quickly getting irritated, the bald man decided enough was enough.

"Would you quit it already?!" He shouted into the face of the weird creature he saved as he sat up. Annoyed brown eyes glaring heavily into confused golden orbs. "Was trying to wake you up but ya wouldn't budge. I made breakfast for ya." She spoke with a voice that was honestly quite sassy despite the deadpan look on her face. He calmed down in realization and the scent in the air. "Oh." He said as he finally smelled the bacon and cooked eggs.

He sat at the small table in his living room as his big nosed guest set down a plate of pancakes, eggs and bacon for him and another for herself. "It smells good." The man said before taking a bite and his eyes widened albeit slightly. "Whoa. It's pretty good too! Why did you make it though?" He asked as she gave him an odd look. "Um, because you helped me instead of sending my poor self to some whackjob scientist? Pretty sure you don't have Dragmajigs here...wherever here is." She answered as he nodded.

"Hmm. So your a Dragmajig? Is it a wordplay on dragon and thingamajig?" The baldy asked as his guest nodded. "Yep. A draconic cousin of the Thingamajig. Name is Marmalade Bitz, resident of Olympus Maximus and Glade of Dreams. Well...former since some asshole Dark Teensy blasted me into an alternate dimension." Marmalade said taking a bite of her bacon completely annoyed. "You can call me Saitama. Honestly that must suck to be stuck in another dimension." Saitama said as the girl merely shrugged.

"Eh. Considering the bullshit that happens normally back home, it ain't that bad. Olympus Maximus is known as the most dangerous place to live considering all the man eating hydras and demons that can only be killed by particular light crystals or the natural lava flows and minotaur filled labyrinths." Marmalade explained as Saitama whistled. "Man. That sounds like actual hell. Guess there was a flipside to it. What are you going to do?" Saitama asked.

"Is it alright if I live with you? I don't think it's smart to be wandering around all willy-nilly and I have nowhere to go. I could help clean out your apartment and such though I have this nagging question." She explained as Saitama looked quite curious at her. "Sure, ask away." He said taking a bite of his breakfast. "Is there anything extremely overpowered around here? I need to check if my ability is still working." Now that got the bald man's attention.

"Ability?" Saitama asked intrigued. "It's a power I was born with. Equalizer, basically I balance what's in a 10 meter radius of myself." Marmalade explained as Saitama dropped his fork on the plate. "Wait… Explain by balance?" He questioned. "Well, I'm the standard so anyone around me will be equal in strength, endurance, speed and stamina. Basically fair fight standards." She explained nonchalantly as Saitama's mind just froze.

"As in you can't be one shotted?" He asked as she nodded. "The fight results come from technique and strategy. Why? Are you overpowered?" The nod was answer enough to her question. "*Sigh* Explains the dead fish eyes. On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 is half dead and 10 is Universal Destruction, how bad is it?" Marmalade asked. "Um, a normal punch kills about anything the level of Vaccine Man, I believe he called himself? There's a serious series which are my strongest attacks which punches a giant hole through the planet's atmosphere last time I checked." Saitama explained only to flinch hearing how hard Marmalade facepalmed.

Her nose practically flattened before popping back to normal like a cartoon. "That's an 8 meaning your strongest attacks could destroy a planet this size. You want to rein in your strength unless it's absolutely needed? Then I can take you into my personal training session." She said as Saitama raised his eyebrow. "Do you know it will work? Even holding back I still one shot everything." He asked as Marmalade merely scoffed.

"Nothing this wacko couldn't fix! Dragmajigs are known for our wacky yet successful workout plans. People from the Glades even call us the 'Workout Dragon' from how effective we can be." Marmalade posed clapping her hands and opening them rainbow style to reveal fire text reading 'Workout Master' and an arrow pointing down at her before puffing out of existence. "Huh? That's pretty neat. Well, no one else lives in this apartment building but me so you can choose any room you like." Saitama said.

"Really? Can I ask why?" It made no sense for an entire apartment building to be abandoned. "Well. It's because of monster attacks. Monsters have been showing and causing a lot of trouble these past years. If you go out in public then no doubt you'll get attacked. This city is ground zero for monster attacks." Saitama explained as Marmalade whistled. "Wow. Then we got a lot of training dummies for ya." Marmalade chuckled.

A week had quickly passed for the weird duo. Marmalade and Saitama had easily gotten used to each other, even going as far as to set up a deal. Marmalade would scrounge up money whether by checking out abandoned buildings or taking out certain monsters to sell particular materials to the Hero Corporation. Apparently she had an encounter with a hero called Child Emperor on accident during a monster hunt and made a deal.

She would gather materials from any monsters she defeats and get cash in return. Saitama would use that cash to buy essentials, groceries and pay the rent. It was a perfect symbiosis. Saitama's restraint training had also begun. She needed to see how bad it really was and it was bad. A giant monster man capable of squashing cities under foot had popped up a few days ago. Marmalade had followed Saitama on his way to the battle but kept a good eleven meters from the scene.

Her ability Equalizer wasn't picky on who it would effect and she really didn't want to raise suspicious. The battle or slaughter to put it lightly, ended with a one punch to the head snapping the giant's neck. Though she had to move it before the corpse crushed another city. "Alright Saitama. I'll be picking up a very special device to start your restraint training today. Can ya check to see if we have any charcoal? One of my 'seasons' is coming up." Marmalade asked her bald roommate.

"Oh. You talking about your period right? Do you need tampons?" Saitama asked only for Marmalade to smack him on the back of the head. "No. That was last month. I'm about to start molting. You know, shedding your skin to make room for growth like lizards do? I tend to get really nippy during it so I chew on charcoal instead of some unsuspecting sap." The Dragmajig explained. "Ooh. Sure I can check to see if we have any charcoal. You should try a warm bath. Help you molt faster." Saitama offered.

"Got it Saitama. See ya in a bit. I'm making yakisoba for dinner tonight." And with that the young girl took flight disappearing into the distance. You know something is wrong when nature seems pretty dead. As Marmalade soared through the sky, she came upon a very unnerving sight. Dozens of animals laying on the ground dead. Her vastly powerful eyesight saw all of them were mere husks as if sucked dry of liquids. "Okay. What in the name of Olympus Maximus could do this?" She questioned only to hear buzzing.

The Dragmajig looked to see if a massive swarm of mosquitoes coming straight at her. "Seriously? As much as I like bugs, I prefer beetles than these blood suckers. Might as well take care of the swarm. **Couldn't let a good meal go to waste."** She chuckled as large sharp teeth grew from her maw. The difference between her species and her cousins was quite simple. They weren't called Dragmajigs for nothing.

Her hands morphed into large blue scaled claws with large black talons, her feet became lizard like feet but more hand shaped similar to a primate, her torso thin and turned draconic as silver and blue scales swallowed the body, Marmalade's small wings grew large forming clawed talons at the tip and her morphed narrowing into that of a dragon's with black tusks on her cheeks, large rhino horned snout and her ears becoming large and fan like. The Dragmajig had morphed from a human sized creature to a dragon the size of a large truck.

The swarm morphed into an exclamation mark before fleeing in terror but Marmalade was hot on their little blood plump bodies. Escaping her wasn't easy considering all the blood they sucked from the animals below. Half of them were swallowed up by a crunch of her large jaws and a fourth quickly followed as her long tongue snatched them from the air. **"Mmm… Pig's blood with a hint of chicken and goat along with a touch of cow."** She hummed in delight before snatching another bunch until one mosquito was left.

The little bug flew away from the hungry dragon chasing it. It buzzed in distressed clearly heading towards its queen. Marmalade wasn't stupid so following the little bugger meant a larger meal for her. It was surprising to see the mosquito led her back to the city Saitama lived along with the massive swarm floating above. "**Got to be billions of the little bastards. A monster must be controlling them."** She muttered before snagging the last mosquito with her tongue frog style.

"**I've got a fire in my belly raging to get out!"** She howled diving towards the swarm. Her eyesight caught sight of a human and mosquito hybrid amongst the swarm. The Queen of Thots was ordering the little bugs to give up their blood with 'lewd' gestures. **"This big breasted cow is the one causing all the bullshit? That's it. This is a no bitch zone! Stay out of my nest!"** Marmalade roared in fury as blue flames burst from her maw.

The Mosquito Woman clearly didn't expect her coming and had gotten out of her swarm to avoid being incinerated unlike her little pests. "What the hell?! Where did the hell did a dragon come from?!" Mosquito Woman screamed avoiding a bite from Marmalade for a large explosion to hit her side. Both looked down to see a young man with black and yellow eyes but mechanical arms had his palm raised at him.

**"Oh hubba hubba! Now that's one smoking treasure I just have to hoard! However, you need to get out of my sky bug bitch! Hey, you down there! Wanna help me take out this insect? I may be a monster but I don't cause all this death and destruction! Got morals after all!"** Marmalade howled at the young man below. "Fine. You have a deal for now. I am Genos." The teen or Genos spoke. **"Name is Marmalade Bitz! Now let's toast this thot! Hop on!"** Marmalade cried diving towards Genos.

The male quickly jumped on her back as he realized she was helping him bring the fight to their airborne opponent. "Why you two pests! I'll enjoy ripping you both apart!" The insect woman roared flying towards the airborne duo. **"How about a taste of my Buster Cannon instead?!"** Roared Marmalade before spitting a huge azure fireball at the bug. The bug woman swerved to the right trying to avoid the blast only to notice the missing feeling in her legs.

Genos had ripped off the woman's insect legs as Marmalade's fireball was merely a distraction. "What??! My legs?!" She said horrified before turning to see Marmalade and Genos flying right at her. Genos' palm was glowing a bright orange while Marmalade's maw was sparking with blue flames. **"Eat this combo bitch! Buster Incineration!!"** The Dragmajig roared as both fighters let loose a giant explosion of orange fire and blue laser. The mosquito woman quickly called her swarm to shield herself.

The impact caused a massive explosion that devastated a large part of the lifeless area while Genos and Marmalade flew out of it unharmed. Both human and dragon descending to the ground only to encounter a naked Saitama. "Oh. Hey Marmalade, who's your new friend?" Saitama asked passively not noticing the large tick mark on the dragon's head. **"Put some clothes on, Saitama. I don't want to see your junk. Oh and bug bitch at 12 o' clock."** Marmalade stated.

The Mosquito Woman from before but now blood red and in a frenzy was flying towards Saitama from behind. Sadly, Saitama wasn't in range of Marmalade's Equalizer special ability. A back slap to the face from Saitama had caused the giant insect to explode in a burst of blood while said killer had a bored doopy grin. "All I have to say is bugs suck." Saitama said with a dopey look. **"Go get some clothes."** Marmalade deadpanned while a befuddled Genos looked sat on her back. Apparently he never encounter anything as weird as this.

**Yes. I literally wrote that on purpose. Marmalade was purposely made to be pure comedic chaos since the Rayman series can get quite weird depending on the games or variations. A dragon thingy that is purely blunt, hates being flat chested along with being jealous of big breasted women and a shameless flirt concerning men like Genos, Speed o' Sound Sonic and Metal Bat. This is also my first try on a OPM story so tell me how I did on the characters.**


End file.
